People I'm Next To

I'm next to this dude. I want to be fair, but I'm not going to be, this guys is a redneck. He has facial hair, terrible terrible facial hair, patchy and disreputable it matches his clothing. He is wearing an A-tee, commonly known as a wife beater. If this isn't a description of his love life yet, it soon will be. So other than being a redneck in my general area, what is odd about this guy? He is drinking tea, Peach Passion to be exact.

I'm next to this girl. We are in a dark bar, so I can't tell much about her except she has hair down to her chin, and she is maybe about shoulder height on me. There is a gentleman on the other side of the bar gesturing to her. When she sees him she hurriedly brushes past me, but as she does she spills her drink. The drink hops out of her glass and splashes into her face, then bounces and drips back into her glass. Here is what I do, I laugh. I laugh a lot. I laugh with fits and convulsions. The now embarrassed girl pushes past the asshole guffawing at her, me. But she doesn't count on my flailing arms. I strike her. I strike her in the back of the head. This causes her to spill her drink back into her face. Which causes me to laugh more. I try to sputter out an apology, and offer her a new drink. But it most comes out as barely repressed chuckles. I feel bad now, I'm sorry girl.

I'm next to the woman. She has a black sleeveless dress on, with matching black sandals. She is maybe in her mid to late thirties, and at first seemed unremarkable. She has been sitting near me for a few hours, and I didn't really take notice of her, except when I have paused to think, and gaze off into space. Space in this case is coincidentally the back of her head. It's a fairly normal back of a head. Dark long brown hair, slightly graying, and done into a few thick braids. Whats concerning me is that these braids are driving me insane. Her hair is made into four braids. Their is a big center braid running down the middle, and on the right side their are two thin braids, and the left there is one similarly sized braid. This asymmetry doesn't present a problem to me at first, but over the course of the day I keep searching for the fifth braid. I'll be staring at her hair, thinking of something else, and not really looking at it. When suddenly it just feel...

I'm next to this guy. His hair is slightly receded but, is making up for its loss by being shoulder length. It curls out slightly at the bottom, which makes me smile. His nose isn't big, but it does dominate his face. At least that is how he looks from the side, and frankly I refuse to look at this guy in anything but profile. I see him almost every day, when thumbing through my change. The person I'm next to is Thomas Jefferson. I mean probably not really, and if he is the long dead statesman, inventor, and architect known as Thomas Jefferson, then he is a really drunk creepy version. You know the version that made his slaves sleep with him. I'm in a good mood, so I lean over and tell him, 'Hey buddy, you look like our third president.' This wounds him. He gives me sad eyes, and I feel terrible, this is not the reaction I expected. He kind of grunts and walks away. But, I quickly stop feeling bad and get indignant. Who wouldn't want to look like the i...

I'm next to this guy. He is thin, super thin. He has long stringy hair, which is matched by a long stringy goatee. His nose is impressively big. He has a burrito on a plate in front of him, it is only about half done, but from the way he is poking at it with his fork I think he is all done. From what I can gather he is regaling his table with his high opinions on the 90's scifi movie Dark City. It is a pretty nerdy speech, but I suppose I'm pretty nerdy too, because I can tell which movie he is talking about from a few eavesdropped sentences. Also I totally agree with him, Dark City rules. What's weird is that is he is squatting on his chair. Like feet square on the chair, perched. He has been sitting like this for at least an hour. Just crowing about weird movies and picking at his food and waving his wildly beak-ish nose around. Every now and then he gets animated and waves his arms around. He is so perfect.

I'm next to the people that stare at you when you parallel park. They are horrible people. These particular ones and sitting on their front porch. They are dressed in worn comfortable house clothes. It is painful to be judged by someone in sweatpants. But here we are, what woeful a impasse. I hate them. I want everyone to know that. I hate their eyes. I hate their distant voices. I hate their hands hiding the chuckles, chuckles that I also hate. Today I can't park either. I pull in and out umpteen times then I speed off looking foir a farther away spot. A spot! I will parallel park in this spot now. It will be good. I am safe from scrutiny. Safe from eyes and chuckles. Safe from sweat pants. Except, I'm not. I'm next to the people that stare at you when you parallel park. God damn it. These are different people. Maybe. I mean they have different shapes. This is an older couple walking their dog. But despite having changed their meat suits i t...

I'm next to this guy with outrageous eyebrows. He is tall and thin, with long curly hair. His hair is a light brown, and is wild enough that it should be the most remarkable hair on his body. But defying the odds are his eyebrows. Unreasonably big bushy and at least three shades darker than his hair, these twin monsters hypnotically dominate something like three fifths of his face. Additionally he has a yellow shirt on, the back of which reads, 'Space is the Place'. He is ordering a small to go coffee, but when the girl hands him his drink, there is a brief exchange. I'm not near enough at this point to hear them, but I edge forward to listen in. Essentially he has asked his small amount of drink poured into a large to go cup, I arrive on the scene just in time to hear the barrista saying, 'Oh you are back for another.' Then he slips away to the creme station. This is the site of his crime. Eyebrows fills up his cup. Keep in mind though this was the larg...