The Person I'm Next To Is Being Aggressive Towards Towards Another Person I'm Next Who Is Being Passive Aggressive

I'm next to these two people. They are fighting, kind of. They are both sitting with a few other people, all of which seem to be friends. Except of course these two. It is an otherwise civil group, but these two keep insulting each other. One of the guys is a jerk, or at least is aggressively jerky, Jerk Major. The other guy is on the defensive, but he still seems to be pretty damn jerky, Jerk Minor.
Jerk Major is clearly annoyed that Jerk Minor is sitting at the same table as them. So Major is trying out tactics he probably perfected in third grade. He is a bully, a big jerky bully. Every time Jerk Minor has something to say Jerk Major is ready and immediately demeans Jerk Minor. On the plus side he seems pretty good at it, a funny jerk.
In the other corner is Jerk Minor. Who seems really annoying. Annoying voice, annoying opinions, annoying face. Plus in his own less effective way, he is taking part in this verbal sparring. Little passive aggressive snipes followed by these darting looks at everyone else to see if it was funny.
Both of these guys are insufferable, and there friends look at least mildly uncomfortable with the situation. But, it doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. What a terrible pair.
If I had to choose, I'd choose Jerk Major.

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