As may be apparent, this will be dedicated to people who are sitting next to me. People sit next to me, sometimes I sit next to them. Sometimes we are even standing. They are strange strangers that probably make sense with context, luckily though I don't ever have to know that context. Instead, I just assume I'm next to a never ending roster of delightful crazies, and here is where I'll share them with you.


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

The Person I am Next to Trusts his Puppy Too Much

I am next to this man. He is tall and slender. He has on a white t-shirt, and some bright blue jeans, obviously new. He is wearing a floppy brimmed hat, which looks kinda weird, and wrap around shades that also look kinda weird. Both articles of clothing could be considered practical, but both are for keeping the sun out of the eyes. Seems an odd choice, but it could be his sense of style, and that's cool. What's not cool is this whole puppy situation.

Head's up dudes, I am not really a dog person. I respect the little land sharks, but I am always half convinced they are going to eat me. What follows is not about that. In fact if you bear with some bluntness you will see that today I have found myself a hound sympathizer.

I'm going to lay down a premise: dogs are kinda dumb. I don't mean that as a put down, I just mean that they aren't equipped to informed choices that humans arguably have the capacity to make. So assuming my premise is accepted, a logical next step might be to assume that puppies are also dumb, arguably dumber, given they haven't seen the shit that older, more mature dogs have.

Floppy Hat does not agree with me.

I am on a patio, on a busy street. Cars are flying by, I glance over and see a tiny dog, and Floppy Hat strolling by. No big deal, except this adorable beast is loose. Free, and wild, it's experiencing a leash free existence. Floppy Hat trailing along behind smug in his munificence, he has granted this freedom. He is not longer the owner, simply a friend.
This months old creature can make its own decisions. It can run to that tree, it can smell that person, it can dart out and be wedged under the tire of the magic human chariots motoring by at speeds that are inconceivable this inbred wolf.

It's a damn busy street, and that's a damn dumb animal. Tie it up Floppy Hat, or take it to a park, or a side street. You aren't being kind to that thing, you are basically just flattening it.

Also your hat looks stupid.

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